think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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