And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
