Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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