Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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