so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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