come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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