so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
