quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
