I will die if light touches me.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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