It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
