I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
