Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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