no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
