I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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