bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Randomize
