Will you blow on my dice?
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
