I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
