Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
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