dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
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