i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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