that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
