Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Randomize
