this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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