well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
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