Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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