we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
