dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
