dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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