Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize