tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
