I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
