Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
