Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
