Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
