i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize