i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
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