I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Randomize
