I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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