Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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