The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
