We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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