quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
