part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
You don't make any sense
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