She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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