Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
