garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
