my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
