I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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