there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
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