She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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