This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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