Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
