totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
