so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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