He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
