dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
