how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I need moral support for this bender
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
