dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
