its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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