Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
