I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
