spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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