Slut skills are useful in every country.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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