That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
