so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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