I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
