In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Acid is not a monday night drug
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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