He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
