remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
