Your tits are I can't wait for
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Randomize
