Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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