I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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