If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
