Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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