he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
they need to just BURY HIM!
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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