If i could tip my vagina, i would.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
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