i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
