I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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