Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
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